Everything We Loved and Learned From Our Engagement Party

Our approach thus far to wedding planning has been thoughtful and intentional. We’ve been trying to slow down, listen to what we really are drawn to, and make impactful choices while trying not to get too overwhelmed. (Easier said than done)

Wedding planning is an interesting one. Like so many things in life the phrase you never know until you experience it has never rang more true. As we embarked on this exciting journey–we found ourselves daunted and overwhelmed with the possibilities, that seem so endless in this wild industry (especially these days).

One thing has remained true ever since we’ve been engaged–we want our wedding to feel true to us. However we had zero idea how to make that happen, or what choices to make in order to make our event feel like “ours”. Overwhelmed doesn’t even being to cover it. So many folks were telling us to just bag the big wedding and do a trendy city hall ceremony. Others told us that their wedding was so overhyped that they wished they had just eloped to Italy with three friends.

But in hearing all of those stories, I couldn’t shake the idea I had in my head about what my subconscious thought my wedding should be like. Ever since I was a young kid I always idealized the day I’d get married. I feel like every girl fantasizes about the day they’ll walk down the aisle–yada yada all that. So it didn’t exactly feel right to do a city hall wedding nor a traditional elopement.

So Jackson and I started asking ourselves questions like–did we even want to be the center of attention on “our day”? Did we even want to coordinate and plan an actual event? How big should our wedding be?

One thing that came immediately to mind was to host an engagement party. We wanted to use the engagement party as a testing ground to “dip our toes” into the idea of a) being the center of attention and b) planning / figuring out our party taste and style. So we went into the engagement party with the goal of trying to gain answers to those two things.

We made our choices of venue, food, and activities based on things we truly love. The venue we chose because it is one of our very favorite restaurants here in the city–and one that we frequent on the weekends after our farmers market runs. So it has a special place in our hearts–and we thought why not make it a part of this special day? Radhaus was so accommodating and fun to work with. Our favorite vacation was to Oktoberfest back in 2017 and as my family is Austrian, the nod to authentic Bavarian food/fare felt so fitting.

Our guest list we designed to consist of our nearest and dearest friends. Jackson is originally from the Midwest and has so many amazing friends out there so we wanted the engagement party to be a chance to blend our two friend groups for the first time.

Because so many folks traveled for this event, we wanted to plan a “thank you” the day after the engagement party. We thought–why not take everyone to wine country (a place near and dear to our hearts) as a way of saying how much we appreciate them for celebrating us.

Next, I knew I wanted to have a photographer capture our engagement party as a substitute for a more traditional “engagement shoot”. We ended up going with A Fist Full of Bolts and we loved working with them. Sean made us feel so comfortable and was just such a joy to have at our event.

Our venue allowed us to have a semi private area (essentially a sectioned off bar) where we could bring in our own decor, florals and candles. So I worked with my dear friend Jackie, the founder of Flora Fina Flowers to bring our floral vision to life! I loved everything she designed and she even sourced vintage crystal vases for a few of the arrangements–it was honestly so special and probably my favorite part of the event creation process. I pulled a ton of little votive candles from Amazon to sprinkle throughout our event space which added just the perfect little touch.

Okay now for the good stuff…

Pros

We found our event “style” and learned that we loved being surrounded by our friends / family and celebrating.
Made amazing memories that we’ll cherish forever.
The photography was beyond what we ever imagined and it was so cool getting engagement photos as a couple, along with party shots that felt more candid. (For our couple photography, we walked around the streets of the Marina and asked Sean to just to “street-style” photos of us rather than the more traditional engagement approach and we LOVED the results. Highly recommend if you’re not super drawn to the couple-y photos).
We were able to understand the importance of small details and organization–something we’re really focusing on for our big day.
I was able to learn how to be super specific with direction to vendors–ex/ giving exact flowers that I wanted and a list of no-no flowers, sharing a shot list with my photographer, etc.
It honestly set the tone for our wedding planning process and kicked it off with such a fun and exciting vibe. At the end of the weekend we were SO excited to sink our teeth into planning the big day.
We were able to understand that, yeah–we wanted a real wedding - with as many of our friends and family we could include.
It gave us the opportunity to definitely say–eloping / city hall isn’t for us.
Overall, it gave us an idea of what we value in a big event–little details, thoughtful timing, and flawless guest experience.

Cons

These were hard but there definitely were a few!

It was relatively expensive the way we did it. However, there are a million ways to throw an engagement party and you can tailor it to any budget. Instead of having it at a venue–throw it in someones backyard. Do the florals yourself, stock up on bevs and apps from Trader Joes–these are all doable.
I hated my hair. UGH its not really worth it to do a trial for an event like this but if I did this differently I think I would have gone back to someone that I knew.
My dress was just meh in our photos. I wish I had taken more time to consider the outfit and how it photographed.
Small stylist-oriented details felt off–for example, my necklace was backwards or my handbag was being held awkwardly. These are all things that a photo stylist on set could have helped direct–and something I’m looking into for our big day. I literally want someone to tell me hey Karina, your bracelet is backwards lets fix it for the shot!

I mean, these are all super small and only I would notice them. However, I’m SO thankful we had an engagement party and it was the highlight of our year for sure. We’re now well underway with planning our wedding for April of 2023 and this event was so helpful in the decision process we’re in now. If you can–I highly recommend dipping your toes in with a smaller party pre wedding–it helps take the pressure off of “one” day and gives you more time to discover, celebrate and be with your loved ones!