Why I Cook
The kitchen is my happy place. It’s a sanctuary within another sanctuary.
I’ve always loved cooking, and by no means am a formally trained chef–however I’ve been cooking for myself and my family ever since I was little. My grandparents immigrated to the United States from Austria in the early 60’s and brought with them a huge sense of culinary identity which they instilled in me from a young age. I used to spend Saturday afternoons standing on a stool in their terracotta-tiled kitchen watching my grandma roll out pastry dough at the counter. My grandpa would rush in from their garden with an armful of ripe tomatoes–which he would promptly slice, dust with salt and pepper and savor for what felt like forever. I’ll never forget these early memories. It’s because of my grandparents that I have such an adoration and love for all things home. Their aptitude, ingenuity, and ability to build a home from the ground up in a foreign country is something I cherish and remember when I’m feeling lost or uninspired. Do it for the garden with the tomatoes and the terracotta tile flooring, is a common phrase I repeat in my head every so often. Because yes, one day I’d like a home like the one they’ve built–with their hearts and souls, which houses generations of culture, cooking and memories.
Being in the kitchen nowadays offers a sense of freedom to me. Cooking empowers me with an unforced creativity that is unfiltered, or monitored. All of my boundaries come down when I’m in the kitchen. Sometimes slicing a tomato and or gently drizzling olive oil over a spicy yogurt is just the perfect thing to keep the stresses of the everyday at bay for even just a few minutes. I first learned to chop an onion when I was in 5th grade, and my dad probably went through like 10 whole onions just teaching me. Ever since then, I’ve found chopping super cathartic and relaxing. As a designer and stylist, perfection is in my bones–so chopping in even cuts is really soothing.
I only recently in the last year got into making cooking videos that I’ll commonly share on Instagram. I wanted to film my process for not only me as a memory vessel, but also I couldn’t help but think that there must be others out there who enjoy a good chop. I can’t wait to keep making these (and get better at them!)
A night in the kitchen for me goes somewhat like this: I’ll put on a favorite playlist, and pull out all my ingredients, light a candle and just start. I don’t overthink when I’m creating with food.
Sometimes, if I’m feeling fancy I’ll snap a few photos of my process like I did with this Summer Salad Recipe or I’ll film a process video.
I’m not a messy cook, per say–although my mother would probably disagree with that. But I’d like to think I’ve learned a thing or two about organization and timing. Timing is such a huge thing when it comes to cooking for me. I learned (the hard way) that timing is why 99% of most dishes just don’t make it. Knowing when to do certain things in the cooking process, like when a pan is perfectly hot enough or exactly when to turn over a grilling fish is all engrained in a chefs dna. I wouldn’t say it was engrained in my dna, however I did pick up how to know these things over the years. Cooking is kind of like a dance in that way–you have to know the steps and have an ear for rhythm in order to bust a good move.
Food has always been beautiful to me. I like cooking with whole foods, simple ingredients and memorable flavors. I think thats why most of my recipes tend to be somewhat thrown together and rustic. I’m a huge fan of anything deconstructed or re-thought for that reason, too. Making things easier or even just the slightest bit simplified is something that I strive for.
To me, there is nothing more beautiful than the way the colors of food come together. The natural hues, textures and forms are so uniquely intrinsic that really, they’re art. A good food stylist respects and honors those natural hues, textures and forms and simply just lets them shine. Food styling has always been a hobby of mine for that very reason. I only recently got into food photography (probably in college?) so I guess its actually not that very recently, although I’m still learning everyday.
I cook (because I eat) but mainly because I think good food is so important in the home. Its part of family, culture, memories and identity. A recipe that my grandma taught me, I’d love to teach my children, and so on and so on.
Growing up, I struggled with disordered eating and would go though anxious phases around food in general. It was and continues to be a struggle for me–however as an adult, my goal is to have a healthy relationship with food. Part of me cooking is really an act of getting to know food on a deeper, more loving and respectful level. Food for me isn’t just fuel, but a reminder to respect whole foods, where they’ve come from and what they’re made of.
Someone once said to me, “cook yourself happy!” and that phrase has stuck with me. I may not be cooking myself happy everyday per say, however I am mending my relationship with food, nutrition and overall wellbeing in the process. The journey isn’t linear, however its a journey nonetheless.
