Note To Self

I've always had a hard time with letting go. Letting go is a loaded concept that often suggests that you're harboring emotions, feelings or thoughts that would be better expressed rather than repressed. Its never easy to let something roll off your shoulders - no matter at least for me, how big or small that thing might be. Sometimes on accident I buy raspberries that have already gone bad in their container, and this will haunt me for the rest of the week in a way that no fruits life cycle ever should. I'll look at those sad raspberries all week and think to myself, you really need to be more careful in your decisions making! 

But the thing that I've really noticed as I've grown older is that I've cheated myself out of letting go. I'm not a harborer, but sometimes thought gets in the way of action for me. I'll have so many confusing things to say and yet never end up saying them because I can't quite figure out first, if they're valid - but second, if I'll communicate them in an impactful way. What I'm learning is that letting things go is like an act of self care. Its necessary and important for growth. I've always liked this reference to holding a yoga pose - yes its important to challenge you're body to hold a new position that may be uncomfortable, but its when you let go and let yourself fall or waiver that you know you're really growing and improving. Experience the fall and physical release of your body - and then try it again. 

That said, I'm not going around doing yoga poses every time I get frustrated and am holding on to an emotion. My knee-jerk reaction is to go silent and pull back into myself in a way that would probably be the equivalent of the Mona Lisa . She's tight lipped and nobody knows what in the world is going through her mind except the fact that she knows something that you definitely don't. 

I've also noticed that its important to pay specific attention to what you need as a person - not what others think you may need. In order to really let go of something, listening to the underlining feelings of what is bothering you is really the healthiest form of progression. Care and listen to those around you, but allowing yourself a chance to determine how you're feeling is really the first step in letting something go. Acknowledge that its there - greet it with honesty and then allow its exit. Take a deep breath, cry, yell, talk until you turn blue, but allowing that thing you're holding to exit or release often requires a slight bodily function and thats OKAY. Being that person who falls during crow pose in the middle of class is one of the most empowering positions - its a sign of honest movement from one point to another. From a point of struggle to release, we grow.